I ruminate. A lot. One question has been swirling around in my mind for years. Is it our beliefs that give us our perspective on, well, everything? Do they make us who we are, and determine our path?

I believe so, pun intended. Culture and belief systems are embedded in us as children. As adults it is our choice to believe what we want, given that we are of a healthy mind.

As a child I was taught to believe in and pray to an invisible father god who put his son in the predicament of perpetually bleeding to death, while nailed to a cross. There was a holy ghost too, whoever that was. As far as I was concerned picturing the image was bad enough, but there were large sculptures of it displayed as the focal point in all catholic and most christian churches. I was also taught to never question authority. That didn’t sit too well with me. Especially since the bible stated; You shall not make carved images or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above or earth below, and;  All worshipers of images are put to shame, who make their boast in worthless idols…

I’ve since learned that biblical stories were derived from ancient myths that were told or sung, vocally, thousands of years before the bible shared them in written form. The book is a collection of stories compiled over centuries by at least 40 monks. The Latin etymology of the word bible means Books, and to the Greeks the word meant The Books. Collective beliefs of humans made it a sanctified book. See what I’m saying?

A voracious reader, I've read many myths in my lifetime, including the bible. Its contradictions were blaring to me. I lied during my first confession, just so I had something to whisper to the priest the next time I had to kneel in that dark confessional, which held secrets I did not want to know, and bad breath. Catholicism taught me that I could do anything, and as long as I confessed, I was forgiven, and never guilty.

I was never molested by a priest. They favored boys, as has been proven repeatedly. For those who have suffered by their deceptions, I am so sorry.

I decided to leave the catholic religion when I was a teen. It was not my intention to hurt my mother so deeply with my decision, but I trusted my intuition more. She taught me that too.  

I raised my children with teachings from the original source, prechristian ancient myths and fairytales, even making up some of my own. They did not need to feel like winners or losers, they needed to develop personal empowerment, and not be reliant on the judgements of others. Many of those stories taught the rule of treating others the way you wanted to be treated. That made perfect sense to me. It is repeated in the gospel of Matthew; In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.

I was an adult and mother when I discovered a religion that rang truest to who I was. I was even ordained a priestess, but that damn Pecking Order rule made me disinterested in that community. Hierarchy is fine in math, where it belongs, and is condemnatory in any other place.

Nature is my religion. The forest is my church. I love to wander and wonder.

Lately, I've seen too many social media posts by people who blame others for whatever they feel caused them to be victims. I believe blame is the problem. I believe seeing ourselves as victims is the problem. I believe we are all equal and that there is no one better than another. In doing so, I find gratitude for all the experiences in my life.

I’ve had my share of emotional and physical pain. I’ve suffered from the selfishness of others, and witnessed horrors I will not tell of here. Yet, I don’t blame anyone. I’ve learned that I do not make a good victim, and that those who hurt me have yet to develop compassion, empathy, and love.

Knowing the choice was mine, I moved on. I am thankful because all of my experiences have led me to where I am today. I am like a flower in a storm.